There is such a stereotype that you can get close friends only in childhood, school or institute. Say, at this age we were all open to each other, the relationship was checked for years and therefore could be called "real friendship".
Indeed, this is a big luck when communication tied in childhood, for many years. But most often happens differently. Each of us has its own way, growing, we find the difference in interests, views, life goals. And at one very old, you understand that a person close to you seems already quite someone else. And the only thing that unites you is the memories of how you spent my school years.
Communication with friends from childhood for us is especially valuable, because these people know us as we were many years ago, we saw our way, remember what we dreamed about. They are witnesses of our lives.
Unfortunately, not everyone gets to keep in touch with friends from childhood. In my therapeutic practice, I often come across that many people feel a shortage in their adult life of communication with like-minded people, sincere conversations with a person who is not indifferent to themselves by a person, friendly shoulder or vest near the periods, when especially hard.
Surprisingly, many people seriously believe that this friendship is impossible to start in a mature age, thereby eligible for loneliness. For me personally, this is the same myth, as what is the fact that you can truly love only once in my life.
If there is a desire and open heart, you can build strong friendly relationships at any age.
However, to begin with, it should be understood with the conviction that adult people do not need friends in friends, all are busy with their affairs or family, and no one is doing to you and your problems. From part it is somewhere and so. Indeed, the active pace of life dictates its own rules, and people are concerned, first of all, their problems. However, among us a lot of occupied, but lonely people. Did you think that the stormy external activity is often needed in order to fill the emptiness inside? Some so desperate to find close spiritual contact that they left head to work and superficial relations in order not to feel all the pain and longing loneliness. In fact, in the modern world, no one dresses true friendship. Therefore, if you think that you are the only lonely person in the world that needs communication, but the rest is not, then you are deeply mistaken that in this case is not bad.
It is worth remembering that strong friendship is in a sense, not a noun, and the verb. It is the action of two people aimed at getting close to understand each other, build harmonious and safe relationships in which there will be enough support and respect. This process needs to be made to form a really standing union. It is naive to believe that good friendship will be somehow by itself. It is also not necessary to hope that trusting relationship is a quick thing. Adults are more careful than children in choosing the interlocutor. We need to look closely to a person for a long time, listening to ourselves - mine or not. As in childhood, adult friendship is built by months, years. If it does not scare you - you can try to start new friends.
Below I will try to bring some generalized recommendations for those who do not know where to start.
First, look back around. Surely you will see 1-2 people in your surroundings that you seem more pleasant than other people. If you do not have any community besides work, and where we work, you don't want friends, you do not want friends - then choose yourself for interest courses and take the annual subscription. You will look after yourself friends there.
Start slowly closer to those who are more like you. Do it not intrusive. First, just greet and smile. Sometimes say compliments about appearance and success. We like all people without exception when they say something pleasant. After a couple of weeks - ask questions about interests, hobbies, ask about some nonsense. Look at the reaction. If there is warming in contact, the interlocutor smiles to you, He greets, I am interested in the answer - it means you are on the right track.
Gradually, communicate more and more. Discuss the situation around, the activity in which you both are involved and the like. Do not hurry, expand the temperature range. Somehow offer together to go to the exhibition, movies, cafes and any other event. Thus, you will establish a friendly communication, which in time can turn into friendship.
Pay attention to the little things that form ideas about you as a person. Be punctual, do not interrupt the interlocutor during a conversation, carefully contact criticism, do not learn your new friend's life without his requests, do not emphasize your superiority, do not yazvit. At the same time, it is not worthwhile, express your opinion with dignity, remember that both are equal in relations and both are important. It would seem that elementary recommendations. But some people forget about them, and then sincerely surprise, why no one wants to communicate with them.
Be interesting to people. To do this, you need to be interesting first of all. Read the books, go to the movies, theaters, grieve a new craft, hobbies. Do not sit at home in four walls - you get used to isolation. Instead, show sincere interest in those who are sympathetic to you.
It happens that you liked the person, you initiate communication, and he does not come to contact. In this case, try to slow down the pace. There are two possible options - or a person is afraid to close, or you don't like it very much. In the first case, you will need more time to establish relationships. In the second case - do not waste your strength to interest and like. In friendship, you should not have blood and then seek the attention of the person who is sympathetic to you.
In addition, in friendly relations, it is important not to fall in 2 extremes. The first, this is when for the other I am ready (ready for everyone, forgetting about myself, my interests, borders. The second extreme is to pull the blanket for yourself, demand from a friend of constant involvement in your life, and offended if a friend cannot or does not want to be with you in contact always when you need it.
Do not dwell on one friend. If you are lucky, and it is possible to build really strong and good relations with one person - great! Why not expand the range of people with whom you communicate? I do not agree with the saying - "old friend is better than new two." Well, when there are those and others. Sincere interest in other people, the open heart plus clear boundaries - the key to good friendly relations.
How to make friends? What should a good friend do? You will find answers to these and other questions in this article.
Extraverats and introverts
All people are divided into two types: extroverts and introverts.
If the extroverts are open to the world, they are ready to share their thoughts, emotions, experiences, they should not approach anyone and tie a conversation with him, then the introvert is a closed, which prefers to stay alone with him, trusting mostly only.
Clean types are not often found, which have behavioral signs of only one type. More often, two opposites get along in one person in unequal proportions.
Each of the types has its own problems. For example, extroverts can pay a reputation for their extraordinary openness or to trust the person. Extraverts are also quite a lot from people and from life, so there is a risk at a certain point to be disappointed.
The introverts are often compared with snail and turtle - creatures, which in case of danger hide in their own home in the hope of isolate from the entire hostile world. Host, closed, finding outside of society - one of the biggest problems of introverts.
But there is also a nuisance that can be from any person, regardless of his psychological type. This is a problem associated with the lack of friends.
Why do you need friends?
Why a person needs friends, it seems clear, but it is worth recalling the benefits of real friendship.
With a close person - a friend - nice to hold a happy watch of your life and not so scary to experience unpleasant moments of life;
Friend is a person with whom you can be yourself. Even if all other people consider you strange, you still do not get out of your comfort zone. Sometimes friends resemble strange Oposatsums Eddie and Kresh from the "Ice period", but while they are together - this is not oddity, a certain friendly atmosphere;
Almost all can be divided with each other: Favorite occupation, good film, pizza, joy and much more.
Friendship is small pleasant moments, for example, as the Alai Oli group sings "If you have ended the food, your friends will not throw you." Close people often and without reasons please each other.
Friends are supported in difficult moments, help you can not cope with.
A friend can be trusted and tell about the most intimate.
What should a good friend do?
But friendship also requires certain efforts and fulfillment of relevant duties:
Need to be a good friend , spiritually surrender to a close man. Only one who is a good friend has many friends.
There is no place in friendship to egoism , Sometimes it is necessary to make compromises. Only a person who appreciates not only herself, but also others has real friends.
Friendship does not stop with a bright life stripe: Real friends must support each other , like spouses, and joy, and in grief, and in a bad health.
In order for friendship to be strong, it is necessary to work on it as well as on relationships. If there are problems, they need to be addressed , not to silence.
A close person requires respect and a relationship honest to him. Only a friend or enemy can say this truth, not afraid of artificial public lows of inappropriate courtesy.
If you found what I didn't like what I could never do something (and this is just a shortlist!), Then you should not further look for the cause of the lack of friends - it is in unnecessary egocentrism. A person who only takes, including from friendship, never knows the charm of normal communication.
Those who always keep the responsibilities of a true friend, but does not know how to taste the best of friendship advantages, it is necessary to analyze ourselves well.
Why don't I have friends?
The most common cause of the lack of friends is the above-mentioned egoism to extremely. We will not stop on it.
Another potential reason is the wrong positioning of yourself in society. Maybe a man is too shy, because of this behaves not as much as he could at any other conditions. The narrowness is easily marked by people as unnaturalness, it means that secrets. It is best to afford to be natural. Do not let any environment or situation displays themselves from the comfort zone. Only in the event that you can afford to reveal, show your best qualities that were previously hidden for the mask.
Often people are looking for friends where it will not bring any result, but they do not stop their search. Why? The root causes may be different, but the result is the same: the opposition of a particular person to the social group. In this case, it is necessary to look for another social circle, people with whom there are common interests or views on life. If a person, as they say, is "complex character", it is difficult for him to converge with people.
But in order to find a friend, it is necessary to sometimes and cut yourself, go towards another person. There are people who are afraid to be imposed. Such people can have a high chance to start friendship, but fear of being exempted with friendly relations. It may be that man's behavior offends certain people with whom I would like to tie a friendship.
Fundamentals of self-analysis
That is, in order to understand the cause of loneliness, you need to ask yourself a few questions:
How selfish is me? What do my relatives think about this?
Can I go for concessions?
Do I really like the people with whom I want to tie a friendly relationship? Is it worth searching another company?
Do I come to help in difficult situations?
Can I behave with people? Is it offended by my behavior of someone's views?
These are the main theses for thinking, and not the test. No need to quickly answer all questions "Yes" or "No", it is necessary to "dig" in yourself and understand that not so. Only then will have a chance to fix something.
11 rules how to become a good friend
Friends become often in childhood, while studying at school or at the university. But if it happened that these stages of life passed, but there are no real friends, then you can still fix it.
The first step is already made - the problem is uttered out loud.
The second stage also began: reflection over their behavior will lead to the right conclusions.
Only when you know what the cause of the problem can be understood how to solve it. Each problem should have an individual approach to its solution. But in fact, there are also universal advice that will be helped by a friendly, and then friendly relations with people.
Many books are written, thousands of films are shot on this topic, but all the main theses are reduced to the set of 11 points.
Take care of an important person
Caring is also manifested in moral and physical aspect. A person must understand how much he is important to manifest response.
Imagine yourself on the site of another person
This method will help to avoid unaccepting misunderstanding.
Do not be afraid to talk about existing problems out loud. This will allow you to be honest and with others, and with you.
Concentrate on self-development
Smart and purposeful person is interested in others, having achieved success in a specific environment, you can expand the circle of friends and potential friends. But it is not necessary to file your scholars for something god-like. No one loves the zassdown and people who admire their significance.
Do not try to buy friendship
We are not talking about money, but also about bright things, mutually beneficial offers and so on. Friendship is not a business, it does not have a contract for mutually beneficial partnership or cooperation. This is a way to ease the life to another person and saturate your memorable moments.
Do not belong to each person because of appearance, behavioral manners or character. All people are different, to each there is your approach and everyone has their own reason to be as it is.
Do not be afraid of companies
The company presents different people, the likelihood is that there are those with whom you can fall in spirit. In order to find friends, you can join the organization you like or start doing something in the society of other people (yoga, English courses, the lessons of the commercial and so on).
Become a volunteer
Volunteers communicate with many people, see different characters and learn to better understand others, make the right conclusions.
Make the first step
Do not be afraid to make the first steps. There are a lot of such people who are afraid to go on contact, which is why it is necessary to stand out from the crowd and save the situation.
Be confident and your friend
Do not think that you do something wrong, or that he is not worthy of your attention. Only devotion and trust underlie a reliable friendship.
The main rule is to be a good friend.
This is also manifested in relationships with just familiar people, in certain situations.
11 tips, how to become a magnet for others
This question in one or another wording asked himself every person. This is a kind of continuation of the topic of friendship. Sometimes it seems that only some kind of superpower, the magnet attracts everyone to one people and pushes from others. But everything is much easier: Some know how to arrange people to them, while others are not. Sometimes it depends on the inner charisma, which is given from birth, but in most cases it is working on themselves.
Such a skill will help not only discover the new, but also to have people. Especially this approach appreciate women. Of course, this does not mean that it is necessary to become walls that perceive all the information, but polite and satisfied participation in a conversation is easy and effectively.
Start the conversation, come to people, that is, be confident and drew the inner fears. A successful and confident person attracts public attention.
Do not get dry in stressful situations. In order to follow this advice, it is necessary to stop for a minute and evaluate the situation, without leaving a panic. It is useful to make some deep breaths. The decision will not necessarily come to the same moment, but fear will retreat.
Be positive and optimistic
Friends do not attract anyone, only clouds and zippers. On the contrary, in even the hardest situation pulls to a bright person. It is useful to smile more often to all others, even strangers and strangers.
Be open to communication
Do not let the language of gestures, mimic spoil the impression of yourself. Do not cross your hands on your chest, do not make disgruntled grimaces.
Critic yourself, laugh at yourself. A person who aggressively belongs to the presence of flaws and criticism of them is doomed to not very pleasant opinion about himself.
Try to be yourself, stay faithful to your principles and views. But do not forget to develop.
Do not hide
Do not hide behind the mask of another person and other emotions. It is a bad tactic of communicating with people who will not justify itself. In addition, the likelihood is great that artificiality quickly shakes.
Communicate with people, ask about problems. Normal communication, the exchange of important information is a good approach to building relationships.
Sustaintly help those who need it. This will bring pleasure and create a reputation as a good person. And the person who was assisted will once come to the rescue.
As a result of work on itself, it is possible to become an excellent promising leader for the social group or doing business.
When it seems that success is just a coincidence or chance, distinguish this thought from yourself. Success in any case can be achieved only in working on yourself. The process of self-improvement needs to be given a lot and energy, and time, and effort. You can change yourself only due to the presence of a motivation. The desire to conquer the attention of people, to become a good friend - a great goal for this task.
A good friend is a honorable title that can be proudly wearing, but it is constant responsibility for another person. Friendship is what makes people are happy without the costs of other means, so do not be afraid to make friends, because now it is known how it can be done.
Make new friends can be frightening, but it is definitely useful. In the end, friends make up most of our life for most of us. These are those who go through life together, share our ups and downs, pain and joy. Without friends, life would be completely different. We would not be those who we are, if they were not.
If you want to make new friends, you must clearly understand what kind of friends you want to start. Generally speaking, there is 3Type Friends:
"Hi Bye "To friends (or familiar). These are the ones you see at school / at work, because the context requires it. You greet when you see each other, and forgive at the end of the day, but that's all. Relationships never last long when The context is deleted, that is, when you finish school or leave the workplace.
Permanent friends. Social, active ingredients with which you meet from time to time to catch up or hang. You can talk at the usual themes under the sun.
Truth, Soul Friends (or best friends). People with whom we can talk about everything and everything. You can meet or not meet every day, but it does not matter, since the power of your friendship is not determined by how often you meet - it is more than that. These are friends you can trust to be close to you whenever they need them, and they will do our best for you.
1. Realize that your fear is in your head
The first step is the development of a healthy mental image of a meeting with new people. Some of us perceive familiarity with new people as a terrible event. We care about to make a good impression, will we like another person how to support the conversation and so on. The more we think about it, the worst it seems. This initial fear develops into a mental fear that takes his own life and unconsciously blocks us from new friends. The shyness in relation to the other is actually the result of fear.
In fact, all these fears are only in our head. If you think about it, then 99% of people are too busy by what they themselves care about these very things to pay attention to you. While you are worried about the impression you make, they are worried about what impression they produce. In truth, they are also scared as you. The remaining 1% are people who recognize that relations are built on stronger values than specific words or things said / made during one meeting. Even if there are people who judge you based on what you do / say, do you want to be friends with these people? I think no.
2. Start with people you know
If you communicate a little, the meeting with a whole bunch of new people may seem frightening. If so, start first from the small one. Reduce the complexity of the task, starting with your inner circle of friends, that is, people with whom you are more familiar. Some ways to do it:
Contact your acquaintance. Do you have friends like "hello-while" from the previous years? Or friends with whom you lost contact with time? Throw a friendly SMS and say hello. Ask for a meeting when they are free. See if there is opportunities for re-connection.
Look, there are clicks to which you can join. Clicks are organized groups of friends. The idea is not to break into the click, but in order to practice communicating with new friends. With clicks, existing participants are likely to play a leading role in conversations, so you can simply take on the role of an observer and observe the dynamics between other people.
Get acquainted with your friends friends. You can join them in their walks or just ask your friend to introduce you to them. If you feel comfortable with your friends, there is a good chance that you will feel comfortable and with their friends too.
Take an invitation to date. I have friends who rarely go out. When they are invited to date, they reject most invitations, because they prefer to stay at home. As a result, their circle of communication is limited. If you want to have more friends, you must get out of your comfort zone and more often go out. You can't make more friends in real life if you stay at home!
3. Go there myself
Once you will get acquainted with your inner circle of friends, the next step will be distributed to people you do not know.
Join the Meetings Groups. There are many groups of interests, such as groups for entrepreneurs, novice authors, vegetarians, fans of board games, cycling lovers, etc. Choose your own interests and join these groups. Meetings are usually carried out monthly depending on the group itself. A great way to quickly get acquainted with a large number of new people.
Visit seminars / courses. They serve as central alleys on which like-minded people are gathering. Last year I was at the seminar on personal development and met many wonderful people, with some of which became friends.
Volunteer . An excellent way to kill 2 hares in one shot - you not only spread kindness and warmth, you meet compassionate people with business.
Go to parties. Parties such as birthdays, Christmas / New Year / Festive parties, newly skills, features / events, etc. Probably, this is the place where you will be heading a large number of new friends, but not necessarily qualitative relationships. Nevertheless, it is a good way to get acquainted with a lot of people.
Visit Bars and Clubs. Many people visit them to meet more friends, but I do not recommend them, since the friends you are here, probably more friendly friends, and not friends type number 2 or type number 3. It is good to just visit a couple And see how they are for themselves before you make your judgment.
Network community. Internet is an excellent way to get acquainted with new people. Some of my best friends were on the Internet.
4. Make the first step
As soon as you find yourself where people surround you, someone must take the first step. If the interlocutor does not start a conversation, take the first step to say hello. Get acquainted with each other a little better! Tell me anything about yourself, and then give the other side the opportunity to tell about him. Something easy, for example, ask how the day went, or what they did today / last week, is a great start of the conversation. As soon as the ice breaks, it will be easier to connect.
A) be open. Do not judge me.
Sometimes you may have a predetermined idea of which friend you need. Maybe someone understands, listens, has the same hobbies, looks at the same films, has the same education, etc. And then, when you meet with a person and understand that he / she is different from your expectations, you Then close.
Do not do that. Give a friendship a chance to flourish. More importantly, let yourself a chance with this promising friendship. I have some very good friends who come from completely different layers of society, and I would never have thought that we will be so close when I first recognized them, simply because we are so different. Many of my former customers are the people with whom I have never met in ordinary circumstances, given our different origin, but we are fine in Lady, like good friends.
B) open your heart
On the same note, open your heart to this person. This connection between you and the other party can start only when your heart is open. This means to be trusting, have faith and believe in the kindness of others. You cannot create a new connection if you do not trust others or are afraid that nothing happens. It will send incorrect vibrations and make them close their hearts for you too.
When I start new friends, I fully open myself, with the full faith in the fact that they are good people, with good hearts and good intentions. I notice that because I do it, it helps me to develop a lot of genuine relationships that are built on trust, love and faith. These significant relationships would be impossible if I had closed in myself. One simple example is how I fully open up for all of you in my blog, and in return I attract readers who are sincere, support and kind. I'm not sure about other communities on the Internet, but I know that Personal Excellence readers emit authenticity and love. I know it because I can feel warm from all of you, whether in your emails, comments or messages.
6. Meet this person
Friendship is both you and another person. Get acquainted with this person as a person. Here are some questions for consideration:
What is he / she doing?
What are his / her hobbies?
What did he / she study lately?
What are his / her upcoming priorities / goals?
What does he / she appreciate most?
What are his / her values?
What drives them / her?
What are his / her passion in life? Goals? Dream?
7. Connect with authenticity
Often we are too absorbed by our own concerns - for example, what they think about us, what we have to say next, what are our following actions, - that we miss the whole meaning of friendship. You can work on the aspects of the presentation, such as the way you look, what you say and how you say, but do not dwell on them. These actions (in fact) do not define friendship. What determines friendship is the connection between you and your friend.
Show warmth, love and respect for all who you meet. Do it all because you want, and not because it should. Take care of them as itself. If you come to others with sincerity, you will attract people who want to sincerely communicate. Among them will be your future real friends.
8. Being yourself
Do not change yourself to make new friends. This is the worst thing you can do. Why do I say so?
Let's say you raise a lot of new friends, being vocal and bold. However, your normal "I" is calm and closed. What then happens? Perhaps at first it would be great to acquire these new friends, but friendship was established with you as with an extrovert. This means either something or other:
You continue to be a vocal, daring man who knew your new friends to you. However, it will be only visibility. In the long run, support this image will be tiring. Moreover, friendship will be built on an empty front. Or
You become an introvert again. However, your friends will feel deceived, because it is not the person with whom they made friends. They will also gradually shift if your personalities do not coincide.
So just be yourself. Thus, potential new friends will know you like you, and they will use it to decide whether they want to make a step forward in friendship. I do not think that in order to make friends, you need to be open and eloquent, like Tony Robbins. The thing is to be yourself. True friendship is based on the fact that both sides accept each other as they are.
9. Be next to them
Friendship is a supporting alliance between two people. Be there for your friends where you can. Does any of your friends need help now? Can you help them? How can you better support them?
When you help your friends, do not do it, waiting for you to help you next time. Rather, help unconditionally. Treat them with emotional generosity. Give it because you want it, and not because you feel obliged. I find that satisfaction I get, helping others and knowing what they are better - this is a reward, big than everything I can get in return.
10. Attach every effort to stay in touch
In the end, constant efforts are required to maintain friendship. Willingness to make an effort is what distinguishes good friends from good friends. Invite your friends on dates from time to time. Depending on the intensity of friendship, there is no need to meet every few days or once a week - to make the missed once a month or once a few months can be enough. The strength of your relationship is not measured by how often you meet. For some of my best friends, we only meet every few months. Nevertheless, there is no doubt that we are closely related and will be next to each other when it is necessary.
If you both have your own set of obligations, you may find it difficult to find time together. Organize a simple meeting, say, at dinner, tea or dinner. Or you can always catch up with text messages, online chat or phone calls. The technology made communication so easy that it is difficult to remain in touch.
This article can be heard. If it is so convenient for you, turn on the podcast.
I do not want to admit it, but I absolutely do not know how to be friends. In my 43 years I have extremely few friends. There is, truth is the best. We met online - so born and supported almost all of my latest friendly relations. It would be possible to blame everything on the circumstances, but I'm afraid it simply suits me. So I can disappear in uncomfortable situations, remove it when I annoy, support a person, not too much driving myself.
In addition, I have another buddy from school days and one - with the old work, which I was last seen in 2009. I did not have university friends left, and for it I am especially ashamed. In years of study, I was unhappy, but I got acquainted with wonderful people who looked after me when it was especially bad, and they endured my selfish seizures of despair. After the release from the university I was so glad that everything was over, and so I wanted to start a new life that I did not try to keep friendship. Now I'm terribly ashamed of my carelessness and ungratefulness.
This was repeated over the past 20 years. I do not do it consciously. Looks like I feel the need to drop the old skin in every place from which I am leaving. It applies to people who tie me to this place. According to the clinical psychologist Sally Osten (Sally Austen), in such behavior there is a definite logic.
Old friends bind us not only with happy memories, but also with bad. When there is a chance that old friends will prevent all from a clean sheet, it seems safer not to keep the relationship.
If I had already had a talent to make new acquaintances. This is a complex enterprise even for those who can communicate easier than me. According to recent data, to move from the first meeting to the friendship, you need about 50 hours of communication. And for a close friendship of 200 hours. If one meeting lasts on average, two hours to become buddies will need 25 meetings. And much more, if you usually prefer only to quickly drink with someone's coffee. It seems an adult person with family and work is simply impossible to find time for friendship.
But it needs to be done. Scientific data on the dangers of social isolation and the benefits of communication are very convincing. Loneliness increases the risk of increased blood pressure and heart disease, increases the likelihood of mortality by 26%. It is not clear why it is so harm. But it seems that those who feel lonely, immunological reactions are changing.
Friendship on the contrary is useful from a chemical point of view. Friendly touches cause the production of oxytocin, and communication contributes to the ejection of endorphins. When we are a friend, we have less cortisol in stressful situations. We can longer to endure discomfort after communication. Once science explained, why do I need friends, I decided to rely on it and in their search.
Tips for those who want to make friends
Communicate with old friends
According to researchers, the renewal of contacts with old friends brings specific benefits. On the dry language of scientists, it is "quite effective", that is, faster and easier compared to the search for new ones.
Since I returned to my hometown, I decided to start with this most obvious way. I have fun Facebook in search of familiar and, burning from shame, wrote whether anyone else wants to meet. It brought me a few invitations to the cup of coffee. And I was presented to friends of friends, so it was worth it.
Spend more time among people
Sociologists have proven that the more often we see someone, the more pleasant it seems to us. Even if it is not a person, but a huge garbage bag. In 1968, scientists held such an experiment: someone joined the student class, completely wrapped in a black bag. Within two months, the attitude of students to it gradually changed: from hostility to curiosity and friendly location.
I took it into service and regularly I go to the coworking, where one promising acquaintance has already started. Her name is Poppy, she has amazing eyebrows, and she loves when she is soaked on her head. Yes, Poppy is a dwarf Schnauzer, but I hope that with the time I will find buddies and among people. In appeal, I just in one category with a trash bag, so I will stick to this plan.
Look for like-minded people
This classic council is based on scientific evidence. Friends are usually similar preferences, character traits and even similar nervous response to videos.
Armed with these knowledge, I went to the site Meetup in search of people close to the spirit of the Spirit, who share my addiction to observation of owls through webcams and TV presenter Filip Mount. There were no such, so I discharged to a meeting where you can talk in French.
The absurdity of the situation itself, when the British group, stamping, speaks in another language, helped break the ice. And soon I am already loud at the French slow tourists. I am pleased to talk with a woman named Kathleen about the ubiquitous seagulls and even found that with one person I have a common acquaintance (Schnauzer Poppy). And I really anticipated a new meeting, happily told at the end: "Until the next time!"
Most of all I was touched by the study that friendship lasts long when both parties come to contact. That is what I did not work in the past.
Of course, I need to communicate with people except relatives, and I will try to make new friends. But honestly, it seems to me that I do not deserve them until I will not learn to maintain relationships with old. I asked the psychologist Sally Osten, how not to repeat my mistakes.
People are mistaken, and when two are trying to build relationships, even more mistakes. You need to try, be persistent and bold, do not miss the opportunities and create them yourself.
Yes, for friendship you need a lot of time, strength and kindness. But those of several people who I have benefit not only to my health, but also my soul. An hour spent with a friend is like pure oxygen. It's nice to feel that you notice and know, and answer the same.
There are no friends!
Frame from the movie "Friends"
It does not matter how old you are 20 or 40, the question of how to find friends, worries people at any age. For example, you can move to another city, where you do not know anyone, and start experiencing a shortage of communication. And you can just want to expand the circle of your buddies or find a like-minded person who shares your new hobby.
Regardless of which reason, you decided to go in search, as it is usually made by the most friends adults, usually discussed not as often as, for example, looking for a girl for a relationship.
But since the loyal friend is as important as a classroom girlfriend, today we want to tell where to look for friends, and most importantly, how then turning them out of just familiar friends?
Where can I find new friends? 8 ideas to help you
Of course, no one prevents you from writing your name on Watman and the phrase "I am looking for friends!" And get out with this poster on the street, it's cool and creatively, but most likely, many friends you will not find. Therefore, let's talk about other, more efficient ways to expand the circle of friends. So, where to find friends to an adult person in Moscow, St. Petersburg or any other city of our huge country ( spoiler : If you live abroad, this list is suitable for you - he is megaNiversal).
1. Join Meetup Groups
Meetup.com is a cool social network created specifically for these purposes. The platform has many groups of different interests, such as groups for entrepreneurs, start-up authors, vegetarians, fans of board games, cycling and not only.
Choose your city, learning a list of existing groups and choose the one that you like, and then visit the events that they arrange (someone is going once a month, someone more often or less).
Unfortunately, the less your city - the most likely less in it already existing groups. But you can easily become a "pioneer" and use the option to create a community. Do not be afraid to be the first, and like-minded people will be attached to you!
2. Visit Seminars / Courses
A great way to kill two hares at once, and maybe even three. New skills or improving your work skill will not clearly damage, and in addition to potential friends in such places, you can also get more and useful connections that can help you start earning more.
3. Work volunteer
Among the volunteers there are many open and pleasant people, such with which it is not scary to "go to intelligence". But even if for some fatal chance you will not be able to meet such a person, you still make a good deed. So do not neglect this option!
4. Go to parties
Corporates, parties on the occasion and without, - surely you get invitations to such events where more than three people are going. And if you know in the gathered company at least one, you can always ask him to introduce you to someone interesting. And with a similar request, you can quite contact the owner of the party - the main thing, do not drive into the darkest corner, and then it's just not to avoid new acquaintances.
5. Visit Bars and Clubs
Many people go to such places not only to drink and find relationships for one night, but also to get acquainted with new interesting people. However, perhaps, for these purposes, it is worth trying to come not only in the most "rush hour", but also a little early to the main influx of visitors.
6. Looking for friends online
If you want to find an interesting person not only in his own, but also in a foreign city, then you are a faithful way to the Internet. About how to look for friends in the network so that you will not seem like a maniac, we, by the way, have already told.
7. Communicate with guys in a simulator or park
If you lead an active lifestyle or engage in some kind of sport, then it is necessary to take advantage of this not only to improve your form, but also replenish the circle of friends.
To the conversation with a person with whom you go to one room or a park on a run, herself hears itself - the training program, favorite sports nutrition or life from pain after exercise, and after several "sports" conversations, you can start discussing and what - That's another.
8. And another option - at work or study
The service affair is a thing, maybe controversial, but to be friends with colleagues or classmates - it's quite natural, especially if you work (study) in the class team.
In the end, at the university, and then at work we spend most of our lives, and there will definitely not be in themes in your topics with the guys. By the way, if you are a very shy guy, and it is difficult for you to start communicating with new people, we advise you to start raising friends in this way, and then go over to all the other items above.
How to make friends with a new acquaintance? 5 important tips
So, you met somewhere classy person - it does not matter, a girl or a guy, it is important that you swallowed with pleasure, exchanged contacts and support communication.
Congratulations - You have a friend! But if you want him (or she) to become your friend, then one exciting dialogue will be not enough. Here are some useful tips on how to "pump" friendly relationships.
1. Do not look at people with prejudice and do not judge them.
You may have a portrait of a friend who you want yourself in your head. Maybe this is someone who understands, listens, has the same hobbies as you who look at the same films or has a similar education (finished this list itself).
But then you meet an interesting person and understand that it is different from your expectations and close. Do not do that. Give friendship the chance of "blooming". More importantly, give yourself a chance to learn a better person in which there is surely a lot of cool from the fact that you forgot to include in your list.
2. Meet the new buddy
Friendship is you and another person. Therefore, having learned the name, occupation and the rest of the questionnaire, meet a person with a person. Here are some starting questions that will help do it:
What is his / her hobby?
What did he study lately?
What are his / her upcoming priorities / goals?
What does he / she appreciate most?
What motivates / makes him / her move?
3. Do not be afraid to open
Learning your new buddy, do not forget that real friendship between you can start only when and you will be open. This does not mean that it is necessary to repent from the threshold in all its sins. But if you build an invisible "wall" with a new friend inside and you will keep the distance, he (or she) it will feel and most likely will answer you the same. And any friendship in this case can not be speech.
Do not change to make new friends. This is the worst thing you can do.
Just be yourself. Thus, potential new friends will recognize the real and will be able to decide whether they want to go with you. To make friends, you do not need to be open and eloquent, like Tony Robbins. This friendship is built by both parties who take each other as they are.
5. Apply for an effort to stay in touch
Last on the list, and, perhaps, the most important thing is to maintain friendship require constant efforts. Readiness to attach these efforts is exactly what distinguishes good friends from buddies. Therefore, from time to time, suggest friends to meet.
No need to meet every few days or even once a week - sometimes it sometimes happens to see once a month or once a few months (but let it not be once a year). In the end, we are all adults with a bunch of affairs and different graphs.
But in the intervals between these meetings, you probably have a couple of minutes to write a couple of elementary lines: "Hi, how are you?". Because if for some time you don't even have these couples on this person, you will soon have to start searching for friends.
The modern world has changed much compared to the past century. Our life burst high technology, catastrophic lack of time and social difference due to increased fraud cases. Yes, not too good people will not blame the opportunity to play trust and good feelings for mercenary purposes. But this does not mean that it is impossible to close with anyone. Each person needs at least one reliable and understanding friend.
However, in modern realities, this seemingly simple task puts even adult people in a dead end. Where and how to make friends, without stumbled upon the wall of misunderstanding? If you as a fallen introvert, I care about this question, I will give a few really working tips that will help get rid of loneliness and social isolation even the busy person.
Get acquainted by interests on the Internet
The social network is at the same time salvation and real Beach of our time. People stopped communicating live, disappearing in the abyss of sites. And all because the conversations and dating on the network are much safer and easier. There are no embarrassing pauses, intersections of views, facial expressions and non-verbal gestures. On the Internet you can be anything, without fear of condemnation and misunderstanding. However, virtual communication can be easily converted enough to normal life.
Now I will tell you how easy and quickly get acquainted with an interesting interlocutor and even by the company with the help of social networks. Almost everywhere, the personal questionnaire contains the Count "Interests" or something like that. VKontakte Resource makes it possible to find people with the same information specified in this paragraph. Just click on it, and then the twindes will fall as a list. Foot filter to your city. Here is a list of potential friends who listen to similar music, they watch the same films and fans from your favorite actors.
Before you start the conversation, view their page. Sometimes the virtual account will give more information about a person than he himself directly in a lively conversation. See that the user often visits some particular cafe or other leisure place? This can be applied when choosing the deployment of the first meeting.
Another way to make friends on the Internet - to start communicating with people consisting in the same groups as you yourself. Start discussing interesting and burning for all topic, and after offered to continue in private messages. Here you have the most real acquaintance of the correspondence. If you live in one city, it is easier for us to replicate a virtual dialogue in real life.
Several basic rules helping to understand how to start a friend through a social network:
Do not rush to find out personal details and "dig" in man. Now all people are extremely suspicious, and Internet fraudsters will not dorm. Will you be nice if an unfamiliar person starts with a place to find out where you live, work and what do you do in your free time? That's the interlocutor, most likely, immediately wondering.
Do not forget about your own safety. Report a mobile phone number is only when you communicate with a person not the first day. Do not go through unfamiliar extensions, if you do not want to lose money or get a computer parasite. Do not say the exact address of living and the time of your absence home.
Always be ready for the fact that the interlocutor is not the one who seems at first glance. For a female account with a pretty photo with kittens, a thick sweaty man may well hide, engaged in dimension right during a dialogue with you. Sounds Merzko? What to do, it is the Internet.
No need to accept on your account if a person does not respond long or not enter online. We are all people working and students, so you need to respect the free time of everyone. It is clearly not to be offended.
Do not be afraid to take the initiative in communicating and meetings. Today, many are shy to write first or suggest to see himself to chat live. As a result, everyone is sitting with their principles on homes and sadness, which is not needed to anyone.
Do not impose personal views on life, leisure and interests. In order not to please in the conflict and instead of a friend, do not get the enemy instead, try to communicate precisely on coincidences in the interests. To enter the group to fans of pop music in order to instill in the inhabitants of "good taste" - is not the best way to make promising dating.
Try to write competently. Even if at school your estimate in the Russian language did not pass over the troop stretched, it is worth respecting the interlocutor. The exception is such "diplomas" as you yourself. Otherwise, your communication with a man-grammar-Natsi itself will come to no.
Acquaintance in social networks is one of the most popular ways to make friends. If you still look at funny videos and memes alone, without having to share with someone with someone, boldly begin to boil the Internet in search of the interlocutor for interests.
High cultural environment for dating
Exhibitions and museums have not yet lost their relevance among the most interchangeful social groups. When the city visits a temporary event dedicated to the pictures, photographs or any other type of visual creativity, you get a great chance to get acquainted with new employee people.
Do not forget about your own interests. No matter how fashionable an event, it should, first of all, have to do with you. Otherwise, instead of a pleasant and useful pastime, you will simply lose evening, so with anyone and without talking. And in general, how to zti friends, if the reproductions of the paintings of Van Gogh in the interpretation of the modern avant-gardeist, drawing on their own genitals, catch only the yawn?
Get acquainted at the exhibition quite simple. You can unobtrusively squeeze into the conversation, correcting some inaccuracy or telling an unexpected fact about the author. True, it is necessary to really have the right knowledge and show interest in art in life. Otherwise, in a circle of communication, you simply do not let go.
Do not impose your presence with great digging. Try to pay attention, first of all, on small groups of people, and better, on single visitors. In this case, the chance to start an interesting dialogue and make friends greatly increasing.
Additional courses or studies
As it would be trite if it sounded, but knowledge is really united. First, people with the same desire are exactly gathered here - to comprehend something new. Secondly, in the process of learning, each person can be viewed in more detail, learn its habits and even a few character traits.
If we talk about the institute or advanced training courses, then in this case you can start friendship, just asking for help from the near. Another option is to propose to pull someone else to study. We will assume that you combine pleasant with useful.
You can get acquainted with someone else and at dinner. According to many psychologists, while a person becomes more relaxed. And the local menu can be a good topic for the first dialogue. But here it is worth remembering that some individuals prefer to dinner strictly alone, so do not be offended by the refusal to chat. The same person may well come down the first and start a conversation on his own initiative.
If we are talking about any creative circles, associations or courses that are not related to banal studies, then in this case, the friend will be even easier. As a rule, in such classes, people are not so strictly related to the time, less tense and closed. And also, all creative personalities are like something like. So do not hesitate to seem strange, you are an artist and you see.
How to make friends in a journey
Recreation is a real storehouse for new acquaintances. Even if you are going to travel in proud loneliness, it does not mean that you have to stay without a company. Now I will tell you a couple of tricks that will help you acquire new friends for a long time.
Now there are a lot of sites and groups in social networks, where people are looking for travel companions. Moreover, you can not just negotiate everything in advance and go together, but even finding the company already at the place of rest. Simply indicate the selected direction, wishes to a potential new friend, a few words about yourself and the budget of the trip. Interested people will be written to you.
If such a way of acquaintance seems to be some unreal, believe me, not everyone travels exclusively with her husband, a girl, a mom, a speaking auxiliary and a dog. The modern world is most often a cluster of loners who do not know how to approach another person and establish communication. And the joint trip is a great way to save, as the ticket on several vacationers costs each much more profitable than one.
To find a travel companion, it is not at all necessary to have a huge budget and plan vacation in hot tropical countries. Even a banal trip by car to another city can turn into a real adventure. The main thing is a clear understanding of whom you would like to find a detailed presentation of your needs in the ad.
Be sure to immediately indicate the division of the budget for rest. Among the potential fellow travelers will certainly appear a couple of gulled maidens (the men are extremely rarely indispensable to such) who want to ride for someone else's account. If you do not see yourself as a sponsor, you must certainly note this fact in the announcement. And with caution, communicate with the candidates.
So that instead of a friend do not stumble upon a fraudster, in no case translate the money to the unfamiliar comrade. Agree to meet and pay a ticket together. If you are from different cities, it is better to see in advance, everything is discussed and bought a budget. Or simply pay all every one in itself. After all, the main thing is the rest directly.
For the trip with a new friend not disappointed, the following aspects will be compared with him:
Do you smoke both and as a whole treat it (sometimes a cigarette smoke becomes in the literal sense of a stumbling block);
Plans for alcohol (go somewhere with a convinced sober in the absence of such views - dubious pleasure);
wishes about the parties (some people travel in order to simply change the situation, sleep and delicious to eat);
The budget and who is what is paying for what (so that it does not happen so that your friend will be poured in the best restaurants, and you are interrupted from the dash at the poppy);
Relationships on the trip (if a trip with a girl is scheduled, think about both, whether this rest is romance and sex on the beach under the moon).
Quite often, friends-travelers turn into reliable comrades, with whom they are not just riding the world, but also talk, and also spend a good time. I personally know a few examples when, having met once, people can no longer refuse to communicate with each other.
Joint passion for a healthy lifestyle and fitness can give you a whole company of reliable comrades. If you do in the hall, look at your surrounding. Surely there are interesting personalities with which you can practice together, discuss the subtleties of the sports diet ("Wow, how do you succeed as cool?") Or inshet the rods on the bench press.
Together is always more fun and more interesting. If you are already thinking about the acquisition of the subscription to the fitness club, but you are afraid that you will quickly throw this matter because of the lack of due motivation, the moment has finally decide. New sports friends will help not retreat from the target target and become an excellent example.
A permanent subscription to you not to pocket? Start running outdoors and at least pull up on the horizontal bar. By the way, now in most urban parks there were real power simulators who are accessible to everyone to rush a little and bring themselves in shape after smoking on quarantine. There you will probably meet like-minded people and find out how to make friends without financial costs.
Comrades on online game
If any sport is as far away from you, like a call, and the best entertainment are virtual floders and shooters, catch a useful life-like friendship. All games that unite participants in real time, as a rule, have an active chat for communication and correspondence. It is there that many users and new friends are set. It can be members of one team or simply challenged in the virtual world people.
I have one girl at work, who met her future husband is just so unaccomplished. What was originally simple friendly communication for interest, turned into real family relationships. Moreover, before the guys even lived in completely different cities. Then they just wanted to see, because both it was very interesting to communicate. As a result - a girl is now on maternity leave, and they are a happy young family united by the usual online game. That's how it happens. But just went to go off.
By the way, many clans and teams love to gather in reality. So you have a chance to become a part of a cool and friendly company. Who said the gamers should be avid sociopaths? They are quite sociable guys, just with a certain circle of interest. So there is enough aimlessly sit for a day for a monitor.
Where do not try to look for friends
There are ways that cannot be called successful for those who want to find a comrade. Of course, from any rule there is an exception, but most often it only confirms the harsh reality. So, where you should not seek friends:
Meeting website. Believe me, people who created a questionnaire on a similar resource clearly do not suffer a disadvantage of Platonic chatter. These are mainly men and women looking for their love for life (or night, as will go). Just be friends there few people want. And such sites are the abundance of paid ladies that provide intimate services for money. By the way, many of them are also scammers, so look for friends in a different place, well?
Avito or Yula free ads sites. I am already writing from personal experience. I often buy something or sell on such resources and regularly come across incomprehensible personalities who want to meet or just chat. Really?! Dude, I sell an old chair and go here obviously not a friend to find.
In library. For years, Fifty years ago, it could also work. Now they go to the real libraries, only to get some rare book for a university or studying exclusive printed materials that are not found on the Internet. Please do not distract the local work, well? Because ... silence should be in the library !!!
In the night club. In principle, you may well be lucky and instead of semi-day girls hanging on the neck, this establishment will give you a real company of friends, with which it will be quite possible to take off somewhere else, and just chat for souls. But most often in clubs, people find fast sex, light drugs, hangover and problems. Agree that friendship in this list somehow smells like?
At work. You can maintain a very warm relationship with your colleagues and even walk to drink on Friday after the end of a hard work day. But it is some friends here to start right away. You either miss the opportunity to climb the career ladder, or you will lose a comrade. And in general, at work I need to do what? That's right - work for the benefit of the company and your wallet, and not to sharpen Lyasi.
In general, just be yourself. People appreciate openness and will definitely answer the same. Do you like surrealism in painting, criminal fiction about maniacs and funny videos with kittens? Believe me, I will definitely have the one with whom your interests will completely coincide. On this, friendship is built - on cockroaches of the same breed, dancing in the head. So good luck and not be afraid to expand your circle of communication.